


Butt-Shaped Fruits

by BlackCatula



Category: Bravest Warriors (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Pregnancy, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5315717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackCatula/pseuds/BlackCatula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth and Plum share a moment to breathe in the space between missions. Beth even brought a basket of ancient butt-shaped fruits from Ancient Earth!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Butt-Shaped Fruits

"I think you're totally full of bean wieners," Beth said skeptically, shaking her head and making dismissive hand motions as she leaned back on her palms to look up at the vibrant light of the orange half-moon above them. "There is no way on Earth, Mars, or Zarfnobblen that a guy like Danny can catch a pencil between his pecs. It is one-hundred percent NOT possible!"

"No, for serious!" Plum insisted, smacking her hand on the grass. "I saw him do it at this one party we were at a few months ago. He demanded people pelt him with pencils so he could catch them between his boobs! I swear on the Ancient Ones, I saw it happen!"

"I SAW IT HAPPEN TOO," said the Ancient Voice inside her head, even though Beth couldn't hear it. "IT WAS SICK."

Beth sniffed and crossed her arms. "Well, I don't believe in ANYTHING Danny-related without proof."

"So why don't you go up to him with a pencil and ask him to you his powerful cleavage then?" Plum replied with a snicker.

"Cause I'm afraid that's not the ONLY thing he'd show me."

Plum brushed it off and laid back down on her back. "Psh, you know Danny's not like that."

"...yeah, I guess not," she answered with a shrug. "Only when he's loco hopped up on something, like party punch, or super virus medication or something."

"Ha! Yeah…".

For one single, measly, moment, nothing but the gentle sound of acid water eroding away the sandstone beach filled the air as the soft orange light pogoed off the sapphire crystal flowers all around them. The scene was enough to give a starving poet indigestion. A hundred volumes of alien romantic comedy sequels could not contain the sheer cheesy heartthrob of this scenario laid bare here tonight.

And Beth wouldn't have traded it for the world. Any world. Life had gotten so taxing lately...lots of bleak and smelly jobs to be done, atrocious battles to be won, unrelenting races to be run. For every ounce of life-affirming thrill she got out of a good butt-kicking fight, there were times when she preferred the chill of hanging with friends, especially the ones she never could get enough of.

"Oh yeah!" she said, lighting up like an idea bulb and digging into the picnic basket behind them. "I wanted to share these with you!"

Plum rolled over lazily on her side. "Ooh, whatcha got?"

"Y'know how your name's Plum?"

"I DO know that!" the one named Plum nodded in agreement of this basic factual self-identification.

"Well, back on Ancient Earth, 'plum' was a word for a type of fruit," she explained, producing a small basket piled high with wine-colored, butt-shaped foods. "I wondered if maybe you'd ever had one?"

"Probably not," Plum answered curiously, now pulling herself up to sit cross-legged. "Then again, you say 'plum', I say 'bizzooganops', so who knows?"

"Yeah, language is for nerds."

"Oh?" Plum raised an eyebrow. "So what are you, then?"

"Oh, snap your trap and just try one!"

Plum took a plum into her hand for examination. "...okay, first impression: why is it a butt shape?"

"I think a lot of Earth's old vegetation was kinda butt-shaped," Beth said, thinking back. "Something about incomplete cell division, or fractal math theory or something. One day, Mother Nature just decided that butts were the single most appealing and universally significant shape it could create, then just copy-pasted it onto pretty much everything in existence."

"There's probably some truth to that," Plum mused, running a finger down the crack of her namesake fruit.

"Well, if hips don't lie, then neither does Mother Nature."

Taking a moment to consider this, the utmost fundamental truth of the cosmic multiverse, Plum nodded thoughtfully and took a modest bite of the Ancient Earth Butt Fruit. The taste was tangy; sour like the acid lake, but sweet like a shower beneath freshwater falls. She let the juice fill her mouth, leaving both halves swimming in half-sweet, half-sour, purple prunus madness.

Earth fruits were weird.

...but even Plum knew when to appreciate a thought.

She turned to thank Beth, but noticed that she seemed to be staring blankly into the starry purple sky above, as if recalling a buried memory. "...you ever wonder if you'll ever see it all?"

"See what?" Plum asked, juice dribbling out the corners of her mouth and down her chin when she spoke. She had forgotten to swallow.

"Everything," came the empty reply as Beth bit into her own plum. "Binary star systems, entire planetoids that are nothing more than rendered holograms, ancient fungal life forms who only repopulate once every sixteen thousand years, rare dying breeds of ancient strains of fruit...we could see all of these things and more in a single weekend just doing our jobs, but how much more could possibly be out there? We say we understand that the universe is infinite, but how can we understand that unless there really IS a limit to the number of ways we can imagine it? We can't imagine properties we don't even know exist yet...".

Plum wanted to interject - rather, the Ancient One who lived inside her head wanted to - but Beth seemed to be on the verge of an epiphany or something. She chose to remain silent and resumed eating her juicy fruit.

"I dunno, I guess I just sometimes wonder if it's better to make a life in the chaos of the eternal universe, or to find peace in one little corner of it and just straight-up middle finger the bigger things…".

She blinked. Then swallowed. Then blinked again, as her wandering spirit landed back in her own brain and her own consciousness. "...did that make any sense at all?"

"Not really," Plum replied automatically, again leaking fruit juice down her chin.

"Psh, whatever, ya jackhammer!" Beth laughed, flicking her arm. "And what's going on with your face? You got holes in your cheeks or something?"

"The juice feels weird in my mouth," another mouthful of plum juice spilled out as she spoke. "I keep getting distracted and forget to swallow!"

Beth shook her head and raised an eyebrow. "Weido."

"Well, at least I remember to eat the whole thing," Plum said haughtily, pointing to the pit in Beth's hand.

"You're not supposed to eat the pits," she replied, skipping hers across the acid lake like a stone. "They're like...the seed, or something."

"Oh...hope I'm not allergic, then."

"Oh my god, you're such a booger!" Beth said playfully, pouncing on her and tackling her to ground.

Laughing and squirming, Plum managed to wriggle herself free, flailing her legs to knock Beth off balance, then swinging herself back up onto her knees. Beth recovered quickly, and both made a flying dive toward one another, rolling and kicking as the sound of their laughter overtook all of the other sounds in the area that night.

Eventually, Beth was the first to lose her strength and collapsed on her back beneath her friend, who now loomed over her on all fours. She gazed back up at her, panting to catch her breath as her eyes traced the contours of Plum's face. The pink-streaked locks of her hair hung down, like drawn curtains for the windows to her soul. A dribble of leftover fruit juice hung poised on the edge of her lips, and another had made its way down her chest and was now venturing into parts of the universe best left to a finite human imagination.

"See something you like?" Plum teased, the juice on her lips threatening to fall.

"I see a big old drip of plum juice on your big old Plum lips," she replied, leaning away and struggling to get free. "It's gonna plop on me!"

"Then you'd better do something about it if you don't wanna get wet!"

Beth knew a cue when she heard one. She didn't even have to think twice.

She pushed herself forward and pressed her lips up against Plum's, the delicious taste of fruit juice now dribbling onto HER face, down HER chin. Plum didn't resist and leaned into the kiss too, pressing herself against Beth's body.

Neither of them knew how long the kiss lasted, and they certainly didn't bother asking the invisible third wheel in Plum's head. It was only after Plum opened her eyes and sat still that time actually began ticking again. They looked at each other silently.

At some point during the moment, they had ended up rolling over and switching places, now lying on their sides. Hands had somehow found themselves in places most hands were not allowed. And now, an elephant in the room they both finally acknowledged, the fact that Plum's stomach had ballooned out like she'd just finished a pie-eating contest.

For the first few moments, neither could do anything but stare awkwardly at Plum's inexplicable bulge. Then for a few moments more, their eyes met and they stared awkwardly at each other. Plum removed a hand from beneath Beth's shirt and placed it at the peak of her belly.

"...did you just get me pregnant?"

Beth glanced nervously from Plum, back to the belly, back to Plum again. Plum blanked out, then slowly relaxed into a smile. "...oh, Bethy, I didn't know you cared so much…".

"...uh, I-I…?"

"Nah, I'm just kidding," she said with a laugh. "I don't think you did this. I think it's just gas?"

Beth blinked, then pointed. "...ALL THAT is gas?"

"Maybe something in that earth fruit doesn't agree with my not-Earth stomach," she shrugged. "I bet if you rub it I'll be farting in no time."

"Gross."

"Mother Nature isn't gross, she just stinks and makes your stomach feel like it's full of dancing bean fairies," Plum replied, matter-of-factly. "But, yeah, this is probably a little extreme for Mother Nature."

"...yeah, we should probably get that taken care of," Beth agreed, though still wholly suspicious of the belly's contents. "I'm gonna call a space nurse."

"Make it a space ambulance," Plum said, making a face. "I think I'm going into labor…".

"Ew, not on me!"

By now the orange moon had ambled up to its zenith at the top of the sky, long past the time Beth had expected their picnic to last. Space ambulances operated around the clock, but Bravest Warriors did not, and sleep was a requirement for keeping them fit and healthy for active duty.

"Well, this is gonna sound awkward, but I gotta get some shut-eye before our mission tomorrow," she said as the nurses landed in their midnight blue emergency hover-truck and loaded Plum belly-up onto the space gurney. "I won't be able to go to the space hospital with you from here."

"Don't lose any hair over it," Plum replied with her usual brand of optimism, but tinged with a hint of mild sadness around the edges. "You're not gonna miss much, I don't think. They'll probably just pump it all into a tank so that I can be a fart donor for someone less fortunate."

Beth snorted and cracked a smile, but it did little to assuage the unusual form of guilt she was feeling. "Sorry I turned out to be a deadbeat dad, getting you preggers then leaving in the morning."

"Eh," she shrugged. "Just because it was unplanned doesn't make it a crime...just a circumstance. I'm glad we shared the miracle of pregnancy together, Bethy."

Beth could only look at the ground and try to hide her blushing cheeks. Then she remembered the space nurses were still present. "Thanks for picnicking with me tonight, Plum! Good luck with the gas baby!"

She blew a kiss as the doors closed.

"Gaaaaay," one of the space nurses said back, rolling their eyes.

As the ambulance lifted off, Beth watched it rise up and ascend into the emptiness of space, just beneath the ever-orange glow of the planet's moon. She pulled her arms close and shivered. The night had gotten colder while she had been otherwise distracted and loneliness never did warmth any favors. It was time to load up on her tiny ship and get her butt back to bed. She kicked the grass dejectedly.

Oh well, she said to herself. The night wasn't a total loss. I feel so much lighter than I have in like, maybe a week now? And I finally got that sweet spoonful of quality friend time with Plum that I've been craving, so that's a plus, right?

She slowly raised a finger to her mouth. The taste of plum and the taste of Plum still hovered on her lips, and both would be a sensation she'd not soon forget. Maybe that memory would be enough to get her through until their next picnic...

With one final glance toward the Acid Lake Park sky, she took a breath of the pungent, sour air and sighed heavily. "Why does smooching have to be so awesome…".

It was a question that could never be answered by a finite, contained universe.


End file.
